Culture changes. That little statement isn’t a surprise to anyone but nevertheless, it impacts every single one of us. As we navigate a new season of technology, social interaction and economic activities, we reinvent ourselves in order to acclimate. Our moral compass or hearts rooted in faith may not change but the way we interact with others, how we spend our time and the words we say most definitely will.
As many of you have already gleaned from my first article about the dangers of social media, I am extremely passionate about technology not only the impact it has on my generation but how it's impacting the lives of the youngest generation. While I could write non-stop about those concerns, there’s another elephant in the room (they’re starting to become my favorite animal if you haven’t noticed).
Dating.
Dating is a part of life. Whether you consider yourself a more causal dater or a lover of commitment much like myself, there’s no denying that the culture around dating has changed even just in the last 10 years. The era of Tinder, Bumble, Match.com and too many other dating apps to count have taken over relationships. Long-distance connections are more common than ever and virtual date ideas are flooding pre-Valentines Day social media posts and digital articles.
Having the potential love of your life at your fingertips may sound great but what is it really doing to our ability to interact with one another? What about the fine art of flirting? Do we still know how to approach someone sitting at a coffee shop and drop an awkward yet adorable pick-up line?
A good number of you out there are probably laughing and either thinking, “I have no desire to ‘drop’ a pick-up line. My well thought out text message is just as effective. ” or “thank GOD I’m through that stage in my life and don’t have to worry about all that crap.” To both thoughts, I have the same response, digital dating still impacts you.
Married, engaged, single or even in a casual relationship you still are victims of the changing social standards that come along with dating in the digital world. If you’re of the first skeptical group seeing no issue with meeting, vetting, researching and/or chatting with a potential date online, good for you...but do you really know who you’re dating?
As members (or victims) of the digital world, we are able to create an online persona that may or not be true to who we really are. We can delete and add anything to our story to make us more or less desirable to others. We have the potential to leave entire chunks of information out shaping the opinions of our potential online friends or dates. Just like that our date thinks they know us before they even meet us and are substantially more likely to share personal details about their own lives...all on the first date.
Will dating ever look the same as it once did? Will relationships ever be rooted in human connection again? How will marriages be impacted by dating with a digital foundation?
While I have nothing against online dating, I do wonder if this lack of privacy is making the dating population especially vulnerable. Meeting and researching someone online essentially takes the guessing out of the first few in-person dates. If those preliminary questions are already answered what's left? Deeper questions and more personal responses.
What about the many dates that are impacted by one or both members of the relationship sitting on their phones? Do we even know how to date without looking at our screens? While most of us know we're guilty of inviting our phones to date night, here are 5 tips for being more present on your Valentine's Day weekend.
1. Intentionally put both phones in your car console before heading into a restaurant or into a movie. Agree ahead of time and make sure to lock your car.
2. Stack your phones in the middle of the table, first person to touch them pays.
3. Have a date night at Chick-Fil-A (let's hear it for all the broke college kids) and ask for a "phone coup" if your phones stay in the coup through the entire meal, you get free ice cream.
4. Turn em off. Take a night and power down your phone entirely. It may feel challenging but the feelings of freedom and connection are worth it.
5. Plan non-tech related dates. Instead of watching a movie or binging a Netflix show, plan something with no screens at all. Whether that be a camping weekend or an afternoon picnic, completely disconnecting will make putting your phones down that much easier.
The thought of digital dating may seem pretty scary but all it takes is a little conscious effort to make a difference in your relationship. Single, dating, married or otherwise, let's disconnect not only for Valentine's Day but on a more consistent basis, our families will thank us.
